I read a post in one of the dementia caregivers groups I’m in that broke me wide open today.The person caring for their loved one did not want to live any longer because friends no longer seemed to care.I know I’ve reiterated before how hard it can be for friends and loved ones to be around someone who is changing due to Alzheimer’s or some other form of dementia. I do so understand this. I’ve lived it with my own family members and with friends. But this disease is so isolating in so many ways. Not just for the person living with dementia, but also for those they live with and/or who are their care partners. This disease is hard enough on everyone as it is. Loneliness on the desperate scale that the person in my online group was experiencing today should never have to be a side effect.One of the only major fears I ever heard Mitzi mention repeatedly was that she’d have to be alone. It was difficult on all of her friends and family to see the way Alzheimer’s took over her vibrant personality. She was blessed, and she was so grateful, to have a circle of support through to the very end. I read a wonderful article entitled, “7 Tips For Being A Friend to Someone Living with Dementia” that was written by a dementia care specialist named Deb Kroner. I wanted to share the nutshell of her tips, but also want to encourage you to read the whole article because some of this doesn’t just apply to dementia. Some of these tips work for cancer, chronic illnesses, and other debilitating diseases. One of the most poignant lines Deb wrote in the article, that truly hit me in the gut, was that friendships die by choice. Ouch. I didn’t like reading those words and I dislike typing them here. But there is a certain amount of truth in what she said.Here are the tips from the article:CHECK YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOORYou are not going to contract dementia from your friend. What you are seeing is not your future. Set your fears and insecurities aside when you meet with your friend.YOU CAN’T CHANGE HERNo matter how significant your relationship was she won’t be able to recall the way you do. Don’t be offended by this. You are still important to her.AVOID THE MEMORY GAMEYou can stroll down memory lane with her, but don’t ask her to remember too.BRING A GIFTThis is the magic tool that opens you to a very nice exchange. Bring her favorite treat to eat, a magazine to peruse together, or some pictures to help cue conversation. Let her know that she is loved and important.HIT THE ROADSometimes visits are the best when you are moving or heading somewhere. A walk around town or on the beach is so perfect. LET IT BEYou need to be the bravest friend and love her as she is and expect nothing from her in return.BE PRESENT IN HER CURRENT REALITYNever argue that she is wrong. Have compassion to the anguish she feels every time she is told what she knows to be true is wrong. A quick acknowledgment of her concerns and then a subject change or a redirection will get you back on the task at hand.*Full article available at https://www.monarchcarepartners.com/blog/example-blog-post-2-tx5j4-xj2g3
