I have wanted to write this for a long time, but couldn’t find the right words. Then, this morning, after I had finished this incredible book, the words came to me.
I have been so overwhelmingly blessed, in ways I can and cannot express, by having this time with Mitzi. Getting to know her family and friends, and having her impact the lives of so many of my family and friends has been such a gift. I am truly humbled daily that I was given the opportunity to do this. Has it been easy? Not always. Glamorous? Rarely. (But the upside is that I never had to worry about fancy clothes or making sure my make-up was perfect!). And it has been a labor of love and time. Candidly, this wasn’t exactly what I had in my life plan for the latter part of my 30s. But it was part of a bigger plan and purpose that I see clearly now and I truly wouldn’t change a moment.
I tend to get a lot of kudos for being a caregiver. People refer to me as an angel for taking care of Mitzi. Praise has been heaped on me time and again. And I so appreciate the heart of where that’s coming from. I know it’s partly because I’m the one telling the story, and I know it’s also because many folks out there think they couldn’t do this (they could). But I want to make sure everyone knows that the unsung heroes of this Alzheimer’s story and of the millions of others out there are the families who aren’t getting paid, who don’t have a choice, who put down their own lives and dreams to take care of their loved ones. It’s the folks who are there for the evening hours, when sundowning is at its worst, the ones who have to fight to get teeth brushed, or negotiate to do a potty attempt at 4am, the ones who have to leave their careers or can’t afford to leave their careers and then juggle it all, the ones who have to find the energy to stay up when day/night confusion sets in, the ones who have to shoulder how to pay the bills when they are down to a single income, the ones who don’t have a choice about what their hours are and who have to find the strength to make it work when the caregiver can’t show up for whatever reason, the ones who have to quit school, or learn to take care of the home years before they should be expected to, the ones who have to watch the life they thought they’d be living reduced to minimal interaction with the outside world because few can handle visiting when it gets so bad…those are the ones, down in the trenches, who are the real angels when it comes to caring for someone with Alzheimer’s Disease. And, as hard as this is for me to be losing a dear friend, who has been my confidant and companion for thousands of hours over the past 3 years, those real angels are the ones doing this daily as they face losing a spouse, or a mother, sister, a niece.
If you know someone who is caring for someone right now, take the few moments to encourage them and lift them up today. After all, we are all just helping to walk each other home…????
