It has been almost exactly a year since this conversation. It was the last time Mitzi was able to really dive deep with me about her Alzheimer’s journey. I didn’t know that at the time, but looking through the rear view mirror after she made it to the finish line, I know now that it was the last time. I cannot express how much I treasure the memory of sitting at that restaurant that day for this last great conversation when she was willing to be so candid and authentic with me. Normally, it would be difficult to have long conversations because it would take her quite a while to find the words. So waiting for full sentences to come out, albeit haltingly, could be tough, especially because she would get so frustrated with herself. But this day, I so appreciated the slow pace because I could easily type out exactly what she was saying. The paragraphs that will take you seconds to read took about 30 minutes for her to produce. I hung on every word because I knew there was so much packed into every carefully-picked syllable she fought against the giant Alzheimer’s-shaped eraser in her mind to use that day…
>>December 14, 2018
Our long conversations are much fewer and farther between these days as it is harder for Mitzi to find the words. Getting more than a sentence or two out of her at a time can be tricky more often than not. She will answer questions and occasionally make comments about our surroundings. She’ll always ask how people are doing. But conversations of substance are becoming treasures.
Not at lunch today. Today she didn’t want a salad. She wanted a sandwich. So I knew today was different. As she was enjoying her fruit and chicken salad sandwich, while the rain poured outside behind her, she opened up about having Alzheimer’s. She chooses her words carefully and slowly, so it made it easy to write it out as she spoke. She gave me permission to share her candid thoughts here…
“I think God wanted me to have this to teach me not to just think about myself. And because I’m young, I can still give my time and energy to others and help them.
In the beginning, I thought, ‘This is going to be really hard. Because I have a young daughter and a son. And this makes me different to be their Mom.’ At times, I would get upset and wonder why this was happening to me. I was really healthy. Trying to lead a good life.
But I wasn’t going to run away from this. Because I can’t. I have support from my friends and my family. I think about my Mom a lot. I miss her. I wish she was here to help me. And it makes me sad to think about my Dad not being here anymore. But the good thing about being a believer is I know I will see them again.
I have been given the time to be able to help other people by sharing how this is for me. Because it can be upsetting. And lonely. But your friends go on loving you. And lifting you up. And there’s God. He is the one who picked me for this, I guess. So I have to make the best of it. And talk about it. And help people. And that’s the one good part of all this for me.
You can tell people all that. It’s my heart…”
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