I am often reminded by people to make sure I take care of myself and my family because it’s so easy to get caught up in caregiving. Being Mitzi’s sidekick is a very unique scenario because of my established friendship with her family a few years before Mitzi needed me. So I was already connected to some of her close family members, and they knew my kids and husband. When I started bringing Mitzi to my church, the circle of connection got even larger. I have a tremendously wonderful group of people who extend their own love and kindness towards me and my family which makes it so much easier to extend love and kindness towards Mitzi and her family.
For instance, I left to go to Mitzi’s this morning while my husband and boys were chowing down on these insanely amazing breakfast burritos that Mitzi’s Aunt Barbara sent home for me yesterday when we were visiting her for lunch. And she does this all the time because she knows that honestly, I’m too wiped out some days to cook for my family. Since we homeschool our boys, we have sweet friends who offer to take them, entertain them, and feed them on occasion to make it easier on me at the end of a long week. Or our resident hairdresser, who is the mother-in-love of Mitzi’s sister, will offer to do my hair in the kitchen because she knows I don’t really have the extra time to add that into my schedule. Truly, the support of “the village” is what it takes to truly pull off this caregiving thing. I’ve seen dementia done without a village, and it is so not easy. On anyone. Especially those closest to the person being cared for. I honestly don’t do anything compared to the 18 or so hours of being on duty her husband puts in.
One of the memories that will never be erased from my mind was a day about 8 weeks ago when Mitzi’s husband and I were at the table trying to have a very candid, very difficult conversation about the direction her health was heading and how much more help she was needing with everything. I’m not quite sure how much she was comprehending, but there were enough tears to know that she was somewhat aware of what was being said. She looked at her husband and looked at me and motioned towards us both and said, “You two. I pray for you two and all you do.”
I was blown away by that. With all the work that Mitzi’s brain has to do to try and keep it together these days, she spends time praying for those who are helping her because she understands how tough caregiving can be? What a truly amazing human being…????
